Sunday, May 21, 2017

Tractor Driving

     “Teaching isn’t work.” 
      At first, I thought he was joking or trying to get a reaction from some of my peers, standing around at the party.  The speaker, a farmer, was my age and was a friend since high school with one of my closest fellow faculty members.  
      I soon realized it wasn’t just a provocative statement, but a heartfelt belief.  Thankfully, it was not a belief his wife, a member of the school board, shared.  He wasn’t joking.  None of my fellow teachers reacted vociferously.  It was, after all, a party, not the time to start a loud argument.  Besides, we had all heard it before, many times during discussions with the school board. 
      Someone asked the farmer if he had ever tried teaching, say at 4-H (he was a big supporter) or maybe Sunday school.  “No,” he said.
     “Why not?  It’s pretty easy.”   No, it wasn’t something he could do.
     One lady volunteered to contact the Sunday school superintendent of his church, also in attendance at the celebration, and get him a job.  No, no, no, he backed off.  He wasn’t cut out for that sort of thing, he assured us.
     I could only think of one thing to say to the farmer, a quote I attribute to Mark Twain:  “If you want to know how easy a thing is to do, just ask a person who has never done it.”  It didn’t make much of a dent in his armor.
     Many years ago, Mad Magazine indulged in wicked satire.  One sketch I particularly remember was a guy who went through several panels where he was caught dumbfounded by something someone said.  In reaction to each incident, he told his wife, “What I should have said when he said that was. . . .”  Finally, his wife got tired of hearing the same phrase over and over again and angrily told him he was a dummy who could never think of the right thing to say at the proper time.  Once again, he was dumbfounded.  In the last panel, the couple was in bed, the wife blissfully sleeping, the poor guy, bleary-eyed and wide awake lying by her side, is thinking, “When she said that, I should have said. . . .”      
      I thought of something I might have told my doubting farmer-friend too late.  It was an incident from my youth.
     It happened in the early 60’s.  My grandfather, Papa, was living in the nursing home in Limon at the time.  We were having some kind of a celebration at our house that evening.  Papa was in attendance.
     I had spent the day riding a tractor, a John Deere 4010, which was a nearly new tractor at the time.  It had many new creature comforts for the time, a comfortable adjustable seat, super-sensitive power steering, controls located conveniently.  It lacked an air-conditioned cab.  It lacked an effective muffler.
      I arrived home, dirt covering me from head to toe.  My ears were still ringing from eight or nine hours of listening to the 4010’s exhaust.  I was tired.
     I walked in the door and headed for the bathtub.  Papa asked, “What have you been doing.”
     “Working,” I replied.
     “What kind of work?” he asked.
     “Driving tractor,” I replied.
     “Driving a tractor is not wo-rk!”  He stooped and frowned, looking at me through his bushy eyebrows, to emphasize the seriousness of my error.
      I looked at him.  He wasn’t joking.  I thought about protesting, but what was the use?  I suppose I might have been a lot more tired if I had been following a two-bottom plow pulled by a team of horses, after all.
      I took the bath and joined the celebration, but I was disturbed to know I hadn’t been doing a thing, not anything that could be called work, anyway.
     Sometime after the encounter with the teacher-deprecating farmer, I regretted not thinking fast enough to tell him he reminded me of my grandfather.  Since he spent a lot of time driving a tractor, having the shoe on the other foot would serve him right.      
      He might have asked if Papa ever drove a tractor.  I would have had to reply, “No, but what difference would that make?  You don ‘t have to do a thing to know how easy it is to do.”

      Driving a tractor is not work.  Teaching isn’t work.  It’s a bit humbling to know I have spent a great many of my waking hours in the last fifty-plus years doing things that aren’t work.  
      What a life!

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