Conversations with a Three-Year-Old

 3yo:  Look!  A chainsaw!

Mom:  I don’t think so, honey.

3yo:  (approaching the man in his yard)  Is that a chainsaw?

Man:  (looking around from his work)  What?  Oh no, this isn’t a chainsaw (holding up electric     

            hedge clippers).

3yo:  What is it?

Man:  Hedge trimmer, electric clipper.

3yo:  What are you doing?

Man:  I’m clipping this hedge.

3yo:  Why?

Man:  (pausing to think) Well, I have to take out all the old dead stuff.

3yo:  Why?

Man:  So the bush can grow new branches and look pretty.

3yo:  How does that work?

Man:  (not understanding the question)  What?

3yo:  How does the trimmer work?

Man:  (holds up the trimmer, pulls the trigger a time or two)  See, these blades go back and

            forth and cut the branches.

Mom:  We probably ought to keep going.

3yo:  (To the man) Well, you better get back to work.  We’re going to the park.  Have a nice day.

Man:  That kid’s a slave-driver.

     On the way to daycare with the neighbor lady:

3yo:  Do you have any Kids?

Kay:  No.

3yo:  Why not?

 Kay:  I don’t know.

3yo:  I think you should have some.

Kay:  Well, I have you.

3yo:  That’s now.  What about when you go home?

Kay:  Well, I don’t know. 

3yo:  Who will help with the chores?

Kay:  I guess you have a point.

3yo:  I think you should go to the store and pick up one.

          Story-reading time before bedtime:

  

3yo:  You were trying to start the swather, you were trying to get the swather out (of the barn).

Me:  You remember that?

3yo:  Yeah, you were trying to get the swather started so you could drive it out so you could get

            the combine out.

Me:  That’s right, I was.

3yo:   You couldn’t get the swather started.  You should put the swather in (the barn) first.

            (Sniggers from the two females observing the conversation)

Female 1:  Shown up by a three-year old, eh?